Hands up, don't shoot: a new thought for our sons

My son, the verbose Michael, long ago

I have a son. He's grown now, but I can remember how goofy he was as a kid. And talkative. I mean that boy could talk. That boy would talk (about nothing, I used to think) even when tears of extreme fatigue were slipping down my face. It really didn't matter if I was asleep or awake. He'd talk.

My son loves to write rap lyrics. Yes, some of them are a bit foul for my taste, but they're always thought provoking. He looks at the world through the lens of his hybrid experience, a suburban kid, an urban kid, and his finally making peace with both.

I can't help but think about my black son in light of the young black men who seem to be constantly under attack – from elements within society and, to be honest, urban culture and themselves.

Why would I even raise this issue on a blog that purports to raise the spirits of black women and our friends of goodwill? Because when I think of Ferguson and New York and Florida and L.A. and every weekend in Chicago, my hometown, I find I must make an extra effort to feel good, and often, to be honest, I'm not all that successful.

Yet despite what's going on around us, it's still our job to manage our emotional states, to make ourselves healthy, to educate ourselves, to steadily create a better world for ourselves and our children.

A long time ago, I worked for some consultants who would go into schools, mostly urban, and work with kids. One of the consultants, a gang violence specialist, used to say that what looks like black-on-black homicide is really black male suicide. If that's true, that our young black males are subconsciously taking themselves out, then that speaks volumes about their internal states. They're depressed, angry, and terrified. But they can't talk about it, and they can't show it. That would be a violation of the street.

Sister Feelgood. Sigh. In times like these, I wonder if I'm off the mark. Is Sister Feelgood too much in la la land?

No. Sister Feelgood is all about self-esteem, self-love, and taking our power back. Motivating ourselves to do better every single day. It's beyond survival. It's about thriving.

I believe a thought, a single thought, has been deposited into the collective unconscious of black males: powerlessness. Powerlessness in men leads to anger and a strong sense of victimization, which leads to all kinds of negative, problematic behaviors.

I'm not blaming the victim. No, today I'm praying for the sons, all sons, but especially African American sons, that they just entertain this one thought: they are not victims. They are powerful. A lot must occur before such a thought can become an eternal, internal state, but for now, here's just a seed of a prayer: my sons, you are not victims. You are powerful, and you have what it takes to transform your lives into whatever you want and pursue your highest calling.

To truly begin to think and feel this way is a gift from God. It may not happen overnight, but if you just have the thought, "I am not a victim, and I am powerful," you will begin to see opportunities everywhere. You will begin to think, feel, and behave differently. The Bible says, "Out of the heart, the mouth speaks." You'll even start talking differently.

Martin Luther King and Malcolm X held to their extremely high-level visions for a better world, even when the dogs and hoses were loosed on them. In fact, Malcolm X raised his consciousness in prison. These men didn't waver. Our sons must be taught to envision a better life. And I don't think the lyrics of their favorite music will take them to that higher place that they, deep down, crave in their souls.

The other day a guy said to my verbose son, "My man Mike! All about that positivity, heh heh." As if being positive was about unicorns and daffodils, not for everyday living. I'm proud my son has the courage to go against the current. He believes he's responsible for his thought life, emotional life, and behaviors toward self and others. No one else.

Yes, the police need to be retrained. Yes, racism needs to be eliminated. But on our side, moms and dads, we must begin to teach our sons that their lives change the minute they change.

Maybe we've gotten it all wrong. We've been saying, "No justice, no peace." Maybe the truth of the matter is, "Without inner peace, there will be no justice."

Love!
Donna Marie