Fitness sista, Tiffany Rothe

Tiffany Rothe is a force of fitness nature! Check out her exercise videos on YouTube. I subscribed to her channel today, and I promise you, I will not let them sit in the corner like an unused piece of exercise equipment (y'all know what I'm talking about).

For all you mamas out there who can't stand to see your kids waste good food, check out this Tiffany tip:

Love!
Donna

Hands up, don't shoot: a new thought for our sons

My son, the verbose Michael, long ago

I have a son. He's grown now, but I can remember how goofy he was as a kid. And talkative. I mean that boy could talk. That boy would talk (about nothing, I used to think) even when tears of extreme fatigue were slipping down my face. It really didn't matter if I was asleep or awake. He'd talk.

My son loves to write rap lyrics. Yes, some of them are a bit foul for my taste, but they're always thought provoking. He looks at the world through the lens of his hybrid experience, a suburban kid, an urban kid, and his finally making peace with both.

I can't help but think about my black son in light of the young black men who seem to be constantly under attack – from elements within society and, to be honest, urban culture and themselves.

Why would I even raise this issue on a blog that purports to raise the spirits of black women and our friends of goodwill? Because when I think of Ferguson and New York and Florida and L.A. and every weekend in Chicago, my hometown, I find I must make an extra effort to feel good, and often, to be honest, I'm not all that successful.

Yet despite what's going on around us, it's still our job to manage our emotional states, to make ourselves healthy, to educate ourselves, to steadily create a better world for ourselves and our children.

A long time ago, I worked for some consultants who would go into schools, mostly urban, and work with kids. One of the consultants, a gang violence specialist, used to say that what looks like black-on-black homicide is really black male suicide. If that's true, that our young black males are subconsciously taking themselves out, then that speaks volumes about their internal states. They're depressed, angry, and terrified. But they can't talk about it, and they can't show it. That would be a violation of the street.

Sister Feelgood. Sigh. In times like these, I wonder if I'm off the mark. Is Sister Feelgood too much in la la land?

No. Sister Feelgood is all about self-esteem, self-love, and taking our power back. Motivating ourselves to do better every single day. It's beyond survival. It's about thriving.

I believe a thought, a single thought, has been deposited into the collective unconscious of black males: powerlessness. Powerlessness in men leads to anger and a strong sense of victimization, which leads to all kinds of negative, problematic behaviors.

I'm not blaming the victim. No, today I'm praying for the sons, all sons, but especially African American sons, that they just entertain this one thought: they are not victims. They are powerful. A lot must occur before such a thought can become an eternal, internal state, but for now, here's just a seed of a prayer: my sons, you are not victims. You are powerful, and you have what it takes to transform your lives into whatever you want and pursue your highest calling.

To truly begin to think and feel this way is a gift from God. It may not happen overnight, but if you just have the thought, "I am not a victim, and I am powerful," you will begin to see opportunities everywhere. You will begin to think, feel, and behave differently. The Bible says, "Out of the heart, the mouth speaks." You'll even start talking differently.

Martin Luther King and Malcolm X held to their extremely high-level visions for a better world, even when the dogs and hoses were loosed on them. In fact, Malcolm X raised his consciousness in prison. These men didn't waver. Our sons must be taught to envision a better life. And I don't think the lyrics of their favorite music will take them to that higher place that they, deep down, crave in their souls.

The other day a guy said to my verbose son, "My man Mike! All about that positivity, heh heh." As if being positive was about unicorns and daffodils, not for everyday living. I'm proud my son has the courage to go against the current. He believes he's responsible for his thought life, emotional life, and behaviors toward self and others. No one else.

Yes, the police need to be retrained. Yes, racism needs to be eliminated. But on our side, moms and dads, we must begin to teach our sons that their lives change the minute they change.

Maybe we've gotten it all wrong. We've been saying, "No justice, no peace." Maybe the truth of the matter is, "Without inner peace, there will be no justice."

Love!
Donna Marie

Amazing Misty Copeland

'Happy' cracks the egg

I've heard a few covers of Pharrell's "Happy" and I've loved most. But this one by Alex Boye' cracks our world's hard shell of negativity and lets the light of joy break through.

I'm guilty of reading too much bad news, but sometimes you've got to take a break from it all and just decide to be happeeeee. Like this...

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth

Clap along if you know what happiness is to you

Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do!

I nominate Pharrell Williams for a Nobel Peace Prize, and I hope he'll wear his Dudley Do-Right hat by Vivienne Westwood when accepting the award. Why the heck not? It's hard to feel hatred when you hear this song, and it's high time an artist won the prize. Are you with me?

Have a happy weekend!

Love!
Donna Marie

Style yourself to get the feeling you want

The Bassett

Forgive my gushing, but at 55 years old, Angela Bassett is awesomely amazing. Gorgeous. In great shape. Talented. Smart. She's my shero today, and I wanted to share with you some pure undiluted Angela wisdom.

In an interview with Violet Grey, Angela explains how she uses fashion to manifest a feeling. First she asks herself how she wants to feel. "Do I want to be flirty? Sensual? Powerful? Then I try to dress for that feeling," she says. 

Her words struck me as pure gold. In our quest to manifest our dreams, our job is to practice our faith, especially when what we want is nowhere in sight. That means getting our thoughts and feelings to sing in positive harmony. God and the angels take care of the rest.

But that's the trick, isn't it? Staying positive and emotionally tuned up in love and happiness while you're sick, broke, or lonely. It's a psyche job, and you have to work at it everyday. Sometimes it seems like every five minutes you're trying to coax yourself into a better mood. Keep at it, though. The effort is well worth it.

We have our spiritual tools, like gratitude, forgiveness, and prayer, and thanks to Ms. Bassett, now we have fashion. Yup, fashion can be used as a spiritual tool.

Just for today, let's table our desire. Instead let's just aim for manifesting a good feeling. How do you want to feel today? Flirty? Wealthy? Powerful? Loved? Faithful?

Now go into your closet and assemble an outfit that will give you that feeling. Note how certain colors make you feel.

Put it on, and don't forget to accessorize.

Looking good, feeling good!

Love!
Donna Marie

Happy independence, Jamaica!

When I was a little girl, my Jamaican mother took me and my sister to the island to celebrate Independence Day with family. I'll never forget, there was dancing in the streets, mon!

Let's pray today for the beautiful Jamaican people and land. Irie! It's all good!

Now That We've Found Love ~ Third World

Try Jah Love ~ Third World

Funkin' for Jamaica ~ Tom Browne

Love,
Donna Marie

Social networking goes natural

Kimberly Lewis, CEO, The Natural Hair Academy

Natural hair is back, baby! After decades of ends-splitting, scalp-drying, shaft-burning, edge-ripping jheri curls, chemical relaxers, flat irons, lace fronts, and weaves, today's "naturals" are returning full circle to the styles of the '60s and '70s, but with a twist.

Back in the day, afros were blown out to smooth perfection. Think young Michael Jackson and BernNadette Stanis (Thelma in Good Times). A radical departure from straightened hair, fros were a power statement, a fist-pumping rejection of the dominant culture. Today's natural hair styles – locks, braids, fros, and those that defy categorization – seem wilder and freer, a symbol of our deepening self-acceptance within the context of white beauty standards, and that's a healthy shift in the right direction.

We haven't seen the last of butt-long weaves and chemicals, but we now have natural hairstyles in our collective beauty arsenal to add variety and to give our scalps and hair much needed respite. Heralding the natural trend with education and community, Kimberly Lewis unveiled The Natural Hair Care Academy, a social networking site for naturals, at a recent launch event in Chicago.

The Natural Hair Care Academy team. Photo: Ayanna Nzinga Williams

The Academy's online platform "unites natural and transitioning women of every hair texture through one virtual community," says Kim. "We offer educational tools and tips, customized courses, and a community where natural women can find support throughout their hair journey."

This intellectual and communal approach to hair was intriguing, so I asked Kim to share her thoughts on natural beauty and the movement in general.

DONNA MARIE: This is very basic, but define natural hair. Are you completely against flat ironing, weaves, relaxers, etc.?

KIMBERLY LEWIS: We define "natural" as hair that is not texturally altered by means of a chemical treatment, such as a relaxer, but not including hair dying products. We recognize that women who choose weaves, wigs, hair extensions, and extended braid styling can also be considered natural if the hair being concealed or enhanced is not texturally altered by means of a chemical treatment. The Natural Hair Academy does not discriminate against, nor does it advocate for the exclusion of women with chemically enhanced styling from the natural community.

DMW: Why did you feel there was a need for a social networking site for naturals?

KL: Just like me, many other women experience the negative reactions to wearing their natural, and I wanted to build a place where we could build each other up. YouTube was great but there was a lot of one-way communication, one vlogger talking to several hundred thousand people. We needed a platform where people could be both leaders and members.

At The Natural Hair Academy, you can sign up, build your profile, join the group/class with your texture to share styles and tips, write a post on our community news feed, check out the latest in natural hair through our natural news section, enter to win weekly hair challenge giveaways, and access weekly Groupon-type deals. Some features that we are currently building are a salon directory, product library and grading system, and classroom leaders to help educate about the different hair textures.

DMW: Why is education needed? Can't we just wash and condition our hair?

KL: For so long African Americans have experienced oppression and discrimination because of our hair. We rejected the exploration of caring for our hair in its natural state and instead developed ways to chemically alter our hair to make it acceptable. We didn't have the opportunity to explore our hair and find out what works best. As a result, naturals need to be educated on how to moisturize, style, shampoo, condition, etc. because many of us have used straightening agents our whole lives and don't know how to manage our own texture.

DMW: What was your own journey to natural like?

KL: I've been natural since summer of 2010. Since I was a little girl, I had a relaxer, and after 11 years of heat and chemicals, I had no idea what my real hair texture actually looked like. As the years of damage piled up, my hair began breaking off, getting shorter and shorter each year. After years of abuse, I was fed up with the breakage and hair loss (alopecia) and physical damage to my scalp, and I decided I was going natural. I received a lot of negativity that summer like, "Are you crazy? Why do you want nappy hair?" Someone even told me, "Girl, you need a perm." I felt so ashamed of how I looked I spent the summer wearing hats and scarves to hide my hair. I got so fed up and told my boyfriend to just chop it all OFF! The only thing I had at the time was a pair of crafts scissors and he told me to make the first chop. I did and he did the rest. I had officially begun my natural journey, but I had no clue what to do with my hair. Then one of my friends introduced me to YouTube. I started subscribing to vloggers like Naptural85, NikkiMae2003, MyNaturalSistas, and BeautifulBrwnBabyDol, just to name a few. I spent several hours a day watching their videos and posts for product reviews, styles, tips, and techniques which really helped me a lot. I was able to do so much with my hair.

DMW: Lately I've been hearing about racist incidents in schools and in the workplace connected to natural hair styles.

KL: Right! Recently a friend was insulted in front of the entire administration at her job for wearing her hair in twist out. Her boss told her that her hair was unkempt, unprofessional, and should not be worn like that to work again. I told her that in her follow-up meeting with him to educate him about black hair. "Let him know how your hair grows and that it isn't naturally straight and that you aren't wearing it curly as a way to stand out but rather to embrace who you are. Everyone else at your workplace is allowed to do so. Why aren't you?"

DMW: Can you suggest some basic steps to keeping natural hair beautiful and healthy?

KL: The four essentials are:

1. Cleansing - In order for your hair to react to products the way they are intended, you need to cleanse the cuticle layer of your hair thoroughly and regularly so that it can absorb the products. 
2. Moisturizing - Water is excellent for adding moisture to your hair. After cleansing, add a leave-in conditioner or simply add steam or water to the hair to moisturize.
3. Sealing - Seal in moisture with a light oil like an argan or jojoba oil. I use light oils because they absorb into hair more easily than a coconut or shea butter oil. Heavy creams and oils tend to sit on top of the cuticle layer.
4. Styling - Many naturals think that creams moisturize the hair, but they really don't. They are meant to give you that "slippage" needed for styling. Generally oil and water do not mix, so once the oil is in your hair, it will keep the moisture from leaving the cuticle layer of the strand while providing a protective barrier around the strand.

Kim Lewis is the Academy's founder and CEO. To join the community, sign up at The Natural Hair Academy.

Love!
Donna Marie

PS: Photographer and econ/sustainability senior at University of Illinois, Ayanna Nzinga has been doing natural hair length checks every couple of months. Check her out!